“It’s time for our daily 30 minute stand-up meeting”, Delspe (my manager) said. I was thinking “There he goes again; calls us all for a meeting and kills our productivity. 10 people talking about stupid stuff for 30 minutes every day means 5 hours wasted every day. What a criminal waste?” I called him and told him that his meetings do not make any sense since they kill the momentum of whatever I am doing, and I need another 15 minutes to get back to the same momentum. Well; I lied. I can never dare to talk to him in that way.

I am an expert at sleeping while my eyes are wide open; graduated from that skill during my college days :). I put that skill to full use and was dreaming what kind of awards would be given away if there were one for testing…

Award for most scheming tester goes to –

There are some testers who are quite scheming; their trick in finding a great bug is by asking another developer for a bug in his peer’s code. A good chunk of those developers would be willing to disclose it happily and this scheming tester would log that bug and get credits.

Award for the best acting tester goes to –

When a bug gets leaked and when the management wants to know who’s at fault, this type knows that he is at fault; but he is an expert at showing off an expression  that reads like “That module was not assigned to me”; “That was not in the requirement”. And at the end, he manages to stay alive; and employed in the company.

Award for the best bewildered tester goes to –

Same situation as above; however, this tester is the one who has made a scapegoat in the eyes of everyone for leaking that defect; he would never realize it, but when he sees the blame against his name in the appraisal, he has a bewildered look; that bewilderment mostly stays with him for the rest of the month.

Award for the best networking tester goes to –

There are testers who read blogs for knowledge; there are testers who go to conferences for knowledge… and there are so many people who go around for the sake of networking. The only purpose of the networking tester is to find out people that he can network with; when he is out of a job, when he wants to move projects, when someone wants a job, he is the first person to speak out. The networking tester is always on top.

Award for the most heart-broken tester goes to –

The tester who’s into his 2nd year of testing; Most probably, with a lot of expectations from college, he gets randomly assigned to the testing field. In the 1st year, so much of theory in the name of knowledge is dumped on his plate by the company. He probably used to think (and still does) that getting a testing certification is the zenith of all powers; And after spending one year in testing, he is actually heartbroken to realize why he had to spend four engineering years thinking about discrete mathematics, shortest path algorithms; He probably realizes he is an engineer who does not do engineering any more.

Award for most lazy tester goes to –

This tester is found all over; he is the one who has a lot of knowledge on testing and refuses it to share with the world on free forums. It’s not that he is selfish, but mostly lazy. He has the potential to write a book on the subject, but his laziness ensures that he does not type a word about his knowledge.

Award for the best guiding tester goes to –

Is actually one who thinks that he knows it all, but apparently becomes more of a mis-guide than a guide. You should be able to spot him much more easily in a crowd, since he’d be eager to guide you.

Award for the Best fake tester goes to –

Goes to…. Before I could go up to get the award, the meeting broke up and I was wide-awake. Back to reality.

 

Fake Software TesterA Fake Tester's DiaryFake Tester,Fake Tester's Diary'It's time for our daily 30 minute stand-up meeting', Delspe (my manager) said. I was thinking 'There he goes again; calls us all for a meeting and kills our productivity. 10 people talking about stupid stuff for 30 minutes every day means 5 hours wasted every day. What a...